What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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