at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
