True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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