i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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