Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
