she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
