I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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