ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
