im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
