So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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