I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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