sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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