He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
