So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
