letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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