if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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