It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
