Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
