Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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