If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
