He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
