I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
