The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
