I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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