i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
