conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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