There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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