im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
