proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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