Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
