Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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