If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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