but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
