Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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