Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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