So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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