So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My balls are so social today.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
