you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
