A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
