I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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