After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
