I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
