She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
