I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
