dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
