Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
