I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
