I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ketchup is God's man juice
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How does one acquire holy water?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
