Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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