did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
