My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
