Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
