meet me or not, i'm out of control
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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