the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
